The world makes us think that expressing love is easy, yet the truth is – that is not always the case. For instance, have you ever tried to connect with someone by sharing something important, but discover that the other person has totally misunderstood what you were trying to say? This can be frustrating, especially in marriage. Spouses may love each other and yet not feel loved or understood. The husband and wife may be not be connecting or speaking the same emotional languages to each other.
Learning to speak another person’s language is not always easy. I discovered this years ago when I moved to Brazil and found myself surrounded by people who had no idea what I was saying. They spoke Portuguese and I spoke English. Even my four years of Spanish did very little to make me a good communicator. The problem was not that we did not want to understand each other. It was quite the contrary. I wanted desperately to talk to my new friends and business associates and they wanted me to understand them, but until I began to learn their language, I could not fully connect with them. It took time and hard work, but the benefits were rewarding once we began to speak the same language.
Dr. Gary Chapman, Ph.D., a Winston-Salem, North Carolina based counselor, pastor and author of the book, The Five Love Languages, says that people express and receive love in different ways.
If a wife’s love language is words and her husband tries to show her love by doing things for her, she may not realize that he is expressing love. If his language is touch and she thinks she can show him how much she loves him by sending him a Hallmark card, he may not fully understand, accept and value her efforts.
Perhaps your husband needs to hear encouraging words, but you feel cooking a nice dinner will cheer him up. When he still feels down, you’re puzzled. Or, maybe your wife craves time with you – time away from the kids and the television. The flowers you gave her just don’t communicate that you care. (Chapman, The Five Love Languages)
Once you understand the different languages, you can begin to see things with new eyes. It can become a treasure hunt to discover better ways to express heartfelt commitment to your mate. There are two important elements that need to be considered: “What is your own love language?” and, “What is the language of your spouse?” Think about what you most often request from your spouse and how you express love to others.
Dr. Chapman paints a word picture as he illustrates a person’s need for love. He says it is like having a “love tank,” much like a car’s gas tank. People tend to operate best with certain types of fuel, which is comparable to your primary love language. If a tank is empty, the car cannot go anywhere. He believes that understanding each other’s love language can keep both love tanks full and running efficiently.
Could it be that deep inside hurting couples exists an invisible “emotional love tank” with its gauge on empty? Could the misbehavior, withdrawal, harsh words, and critical spirit occur because of that empty tank? If we could find a way to fill it, could the marriage be reborn? With a full tank would couples be able to create an emotional climate where it is possible to discuss differences and resolve conflicts? Could that tank be the key that makes marriage work? (Chapman, The Five Love Languages, p. 23)
Keeping a full “love tank” is key to meaningful relationships because love is such an important part of human behavior. Take time to communicate and adequately express your love in a way that others can understand. Make the investment and discover that love can be what the songwriter claimed – “Love is a many splendored thing.”
Article provided by Gail Hatmaker of Blue Lake Academy. Blue Lake Academy offers the finest in private elementary education. To find out more about Blue Lake Academy and their events, contact them at 3551 East Orange Avenue Eustis, FL 32736-2235, (352) 357-8655 or you can email to: www.bluelakeacademy.org
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